For months I have been so excited I could hardly stand it. Because, as a self admitted nerd, nothing smells quite as alluring as the pages of a textbook. Nothing is quite as inspiring as meeting new people with original ideas and grand dreams and then mingling with these idealists to study, question and dare to improve upon our little corner of the world. This, in addition to the joy of procuring new knowledge and exercising the opportunity to test oneself, is so fulfilling. Why, could there be anything else so exhilarating?
So what's up with this... the nervous tension, the pressure I am feeling. After all isn't this what I wanted? What I have dreamed of...?
It could be that teaching pediatics first summer session was exhausting. It could be that I am drained of all creative thought after teaching a new class the week I came back from residency. It could be that I feel behind on a grant I am completing. And it could be that looking at my student loans undid me. Or it could be that I am questioning my sanity to be starting a PhD program at age 55. Yes, there I said it. I admit to it. I worry about my age.
I sure could use a Book Of Answers about right now. However, after compiling a list of all my questions ... what in the world, whats wrong with me? How do I know if I am to do this? How do I know I am not crazy? How do I know anything? The answer revealed itself when I realized ...
If I don't do this, I will forever regret it for the rest of my life...
and regret is an awful life partner...
and so that is enough...
Life, after all, is a grand adventure, one we must traverse with a great deal of faith. We cannot know tomorrow but we must still give our all today and everyday, or life becomes meaningless and mundane.
So, it is not about how long or short my life will be but how fully engaged I am in the process of consuming authenically the time and resources that have been given me. God said it best, "To whom much is given, much is required..." While I may not have immense wealth, I do have passion for the profession I love. And so I am off to school once more...
If I don't do this, I will forever regret it for the rest of my life...
and regret is an awful life partner...
and so that is enough...
Life, after all, is a grand adventure, one we must traverse with a great deal of faith. We cannot know tomorrow but we must still give our all today and everyday, or life becomes meaningless and mundane.
So, it is not about how long or short my life will be but how fully engaged I am in the process of consuming authenically the time and resources that have been given me. God said it best, "To whom much is given, much is required..." While I may not have immense wealth, I do have passion for the profession I love. And so I am off to school once more...
